Tomorrow

Tomorrow we're taking Braeden to get his ticker checked out. I keep hearing (and mechanically repeating) "it's probably nothing", but the other possibilities, however minute, are haunting my thoughts. It's hard to talk to my husband about it, he thinks I shouldn't worry.  Maybe I shouldn't. But, um... I guess I can't help it?!

Here's the thing, I think about my baby being taken from me constantly. If Jake and I are upstairs with Braeden and he takes him downstairs, I hold my breath to hear every footstep, expecting that slip and fall. Little circumstances like that happen quite often in my week. 

I've been trying to avoid talking about it. What's sad is when it's brought up, like at church 20 times this morning, I feel the need to belittle the situation, to smooth it over. I don't know why, if it's to make the other person feel okay, since we don't know anything yet.

So there it is, what's so hard to say out loud. Maybe it is pathetically premature to worry, but I'm his Mama and I have the right.

Dare I?

It's an interesting thing to blog. To me, opening a window with limitless capacity for thought leads to worry. If I don't just open up my heart and lay out my thoughts, am I wasting my time time starting this blog? Aren't I just cheating myself?  If I do... who will read it?  Will I end up eating my words?

It seems bold, putting one's thoughts into written word. Guess it's time to roll the dice and step out!