Winter Eco Beauty

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Proverbs 3

The Rewards of Wisdom

 ¹ My son, do not forget my ^[a]teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
² For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
³ Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
I need to do this, to keep kindness and truth bound to me like a collar, keeping me from spreading gossip or facilitating drama or letting quarrels and disputes continue in the church. Kindness can dispel these things like a gentle word to wrath and truth will eliminate false.
⁴ So you will find favor and good ^[b]repute
In the sight of God and man.

How often do I worry about what people think. I need to worry less and focus on what the word says brings good repute!
⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.

My own understanding... this makes me laugh, because how many times have I jumped to conclusions and had to eat crow when I knew I should be patient.
⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.

HE will my MY paths straights. When I worry about tomorrow and whether my actions will be questioned or my job will be compromised... I can remember that HE is making my paths straight, when I acknowledge he is the one in control and give that control to him every day.
⁷ Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
Or a wise ass.
⁸ It will be healing to your ^[c]body
And refreshment to your bones.
⁹ Honor the LORD from your wealth
And from the first of all your produce;
From the first of what I earn. I am so glad we are setting up a tithe in 2012. I am actually excited to be giving to the Lord, which is sort of a first. It doesn't feel like an obligation, it feels like a priority.
¹⁰ So your barns will be filled with plenty
And your vats will overflow with new wine
I wonder if the writer meant emotionally/spiritually or literally
¹¹ My son, do not reject the ^[d]discipline of the LORD
Or loathe His reproof,
¹² For whom the LORD loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
 ¹³ How blessed is the man who finds wisdom
And the man who gains understanding.
¹⁴ For her profit is better than the profit of silver
And her gain better than fine gold.
This is so true. How often do I desire wisdom in day to day situations? The wisdom of dealing with people. I seek to learn this, to add to my discernment with wisdom of response.
¹⁵ She is more precious than ^[e]jewels;
And nothing you desire compares with her.
^{16 [f]}Long life is in her right hand;
In her left hand are riches and honor.
¹⁷ Her ways are pleasant ways
And all her paths are peace.
¹⁸ She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,
And happy are all who hold her fast.
¹⁹ The LORD by wisdom founded the earth,
By understanding He established the heavens.
²⁰ By His knowledge the deeps were broken up
And the skies drip with dew.
²¹ My son, let them not ^[g]vanish from your sight;
Keep sound wisdom and discretion,
²² So they will be life to your soul
And adornment to your neck.
²³ Then you will walk in your way securely
And your foot will not stumble.
Securely! Suggesting a confidence I often lack.
²⁴ When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
²⁵ Do not be afraid of sudden fear
Nor of the ^[h]onslaught of the wicked when it comes;
²⁶ For the LORD will be ^[i]your confidence
And will keep your foot from being caught.
 ²⁷ Do not withhold good from ^[j]those to whom it is due,
When it is in your power to do it.
²⁸ Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back,
And tomorrow I will give it,”
When you have it with you.
²⁹ Do not devise harm against your neighbor,
While he lives securely beside you.
³⁰ Do not contend with a man without cause,
If he has done you no harm.
³¹ Do not envy a man of violence
And do not choose any of his ways.
³² For the devious are an abomination to the LORD;
But ^[k]He is intimate with the upright.
³³ The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked,
But He blesses the dwelling of the righteous.
³⁴ Though He scoffs at the scoffers,
Yet He gives grace to the afflicted.
³⁵ The wise will inherit honor,
But fools ^[l]display dishonor.
Display dishonor, like rash immature responses. Inherit honor. Be wise. Seek wisdom. Grow.

sigh

My best friend lost a child almost two months ago. She is so strong. When this sort of thing happens, you expect the death to become a taboo subject, almost like the very mention of his name (Owen) will throw salt into a never-healing wound. And maybe it does. But I'm learning that the pain of remembering is worth the memory itself. He remains in our hearts and on our minds and the fact that he is still part of the conversation is a tribute to that fact.

Oddly, even though it's been a while, it still hits me like a freight train that he is gone. It wasn't exactly sudden but he'd been sick so long, I sure didn't expect it. So I'll see a picture of him on FB and I'll sit and remember a moment with him, a smile or a shy moment where he hid his face... and the fact that it doesn't happen anymore will make me realize -- again -- that he's truly gone. I hate that word. Gone. I guess he's not gone, just transferred. He took the early train to Glory Land.

Death has been a silent obsession of mine since Matt died. I absolutely do not grasp it. I only grasp the absence of someone. Usually when I cry it is for the people who've lost someone or for my own loneliness when I do miss someone in a specific instance, particularly my Grandma. Maybe that's why it's such an obsession and I fear death SO much in my close family because if I lost Jake or Braeden, it would be every single day that I would feel that loss of presence and maybe then I would finally understand death.

Lord

Lord, I pray, if it be your will, take this cup from me

yet, Lord, your will be done

Lord, I weep, but I do not grieve

as one who has no hope

For I know there will come a time

a time of joy, of no more tears

Lord, I pray, if it be your will, take this cup from me

yet, Lord, your will be done

Lord, your plan is not evident

the pattern is not clear

But I know when the canvas is revealed

these dark threads will be gold

Lord, I pray, if it be your will, take this cup from me

yet, Lord, your will be done

O Lord, this suffering, I make it my offering,

use me to bring you glory if I must continue in this dark

Lord, I pray, if it be your will, take this cup from me

yet, Lord, your will be done

some people make me wanna BLOW A GASKET

Sometimes this one person makes me SO mad, I want to yell and throw a tantrum just to get out this negative anxious energy his demeaning, sarcastic, stupid words give me. I have to be humble and suppress my anger, especially now that my interactions with him will end soon. One thing I don't understand is why the people who SEE what a jerk he is to me don't do anything to either encourage me or reprimand HIM. I'm being very careful with how much detail I give, and you know why?  This person checked my personal email a few weeks ago... yeah...

On a completely different subject, my husband Jake's Uncle "Neb" (name changed) is turning the family upside down. Jake's father "Isaac" has been taking care of his aging mother. Isaac lives in on the same property as Granny, and since Papa G died several years ago, she's been declining mentally and physically. Neb and Granny got into a huge fight after Papa G died, over a truck... he wanted to use it, but under her insurance and name. After he got a DUI, she signed the truck over to him, since he was such a liability. He was pissed off that he'd need to buy his own insurance, and basically wrote off Granny AND Isaac, telling Isaac, "Don't call me till the funeral" (Granny's....).

Over the past year, Granny has gotten worse, especially in the dementia. Isaac had a home-healthcare team assess her and take care of her as long as Medicare would allow, then he hired a nurse to come in several times a week. Isaac walks over to her house multiple times a day, fixing her hot meals and beverages, changing her clothes if she soils them, and talking with her.

Uncle Neb all the sudden came back into the picture early this year. Granny likes to keep cash in her purse, helps her feel like she has some control in her life I think, and Isaac would discover that all of the big bills would be gone after Neb visited. Anywhere from several hundred to a thousand bucks. Granny wouldn't remember where it went. Then Neb "got permission" to borrow Granny's car for a few days. Isaac didn't protest at first, but then Neb refused to return it. Of course Isaac has his own truck, but 1) Granny's car is the only one she can climb in to 2) Neb's got a major drinking problem, and the liability is too great 3) Isaac has power of attorney and Neb had no right to take it. After several months, the car re-appeared.

Ok, so after lots of other little incidents like this...

Ned called Adult Protective Services on Isaac for neglect/abuse of Granny!  They investigated and of course found nothing off, because the dear man spends half his time taking care of her. They suggested she might not ought to be left alone at night. So Isaac's been re-arranging their house to bring her down there every night. They would just move her in, but she wants to hold on to some semblance of independence. Isaac bought a monitoring system/intercom and installed it in her home so that he could hear if she needed help. Soon after, Neb visited... and Isaac heard him telling Granny that he (Neb) was the one who'd been taking care of her, that Isaac was just out for her money and house. Now we come to find out, he's bad-mouthing Isaac to all of the other family members, too. Jake and me both are pushing Isaac to get a restraining order on Neb (he has threatened Isaac on numerous occasions).

There's so much more detail I can put in that, but in a large nutshell, that's the craziness Uncle Neb is causing.

breastfeeding until he's 10

Ok that'd be gross. :P

But Braeden is almost a year old. I've always said I'd nurse "at least a year" and now I just can't imagine not having that time with him, and giving him that special nourishment that I make just for him. Man this would sound creepy to anyone but another breastfeeding mother. Everytime I read the word wean, I want to cry. Maybe it's just the knowledge that's he's growing older, a sign of time passing... but I get so excited about his milestones! I guess those are beginnings and this would be an end.

Well either way I'm definitely not ready to stop at one year.

Maybe in a couple months, my mindset will change; I'll start seeing him as a kid instead of a baby and I'll be ready. Or maybe he'll lose interest before me. For now, I shall continue!

You know, I can't figure out why I feel like society wants me to stop at 1 year... I seriously am dreading comments from opinionated people who realize I'm still nursing him. But WHY do I think that it's got such a negative connotation?! The more I think about it... I think it's cause that's what I believed before I got preggoes, had a baby, researched breastfeeding, etc etc... My own stupid prejudices. Ha, maybe this current anxiety is a form of karma.

home sweet frickin' home

I'm SO overwhelmed by my house. We want to get out of this tiny place, but there is so much to do before it can go on the market, I don't know where to start. And it seems like there's never time to do anything anyway. Shall I start a list?

• Finish molding around flooring
• Replace countertops
• Get rid of cats...
• Fix cat bathroom, including the ceiling, walls, and vainty
• Find a way to bleach grout in all 3 bathrooms
• Repaper both downstairs bathrooms with paintable wallpaper
• Paint like everywhere
• Fix ceiling in several rooms (tape's coming off edges)
• Fix dry wall tape in several rooms
• Paint shed
• Fix some too tight doors
• Store a whole bunch of junk that is cluttering the closets
• Re-carpet later on
• The list goes on....

See what I mean??  Almost all of this is impossible for me to do alone and Jake's gone so much. Not that I'm not happy with him, I'm just frustrated with this.

On a different note, watching Law and Order SVU and they just discovered an incest situation that begat a baby... ew...

 Sooo anyways... sitting on my couch staring at a crack going down the wall that will need to be plastered. *sigh*